Family and Home

Family and Home
Keys to a Successful Marriage (From a Renowned Marriage Counselor by Bryan Gibson
A Thought about Getting Even by Dave Brown
Duties of Parents toward Their Children -- A Checklist by Bryan Gibson
Our Children' Education by Bryan Gibson
Duties of Children toward Their Parents -- A Checklist by Bryan Gibson
Honor Your Father and Mother (Ephesians 6:2) by Bryan Gibson
Children Are a Blessing by Bryan Gibson
Attention all Husbands: Please Read Ephesians 5:25 by Bryan Gibson
Good Works We Can Do In the Home -- A Checklist by Bryan Gibson

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Keys to a Successful Marriage (From a Renowned Marriage Counselor)
Compiled by Bryan Gibson.

Who is our renowned marriage counselor? The very one who instituted the marriage relationship—God. Let’s look at His formula for success:

When you decide to get married, make sure you leave father and mother and cleave to your spouse (Genesis 2:18-24). Don’t go running back to your parents every time there is a problem. Work it out between the two of you.
Cleave to each other “until death do us part” (Matthew 19:3-12; 1 Corinthians 7:39; Malachi 2:13-16). Divorce is sinful unless it is for the cause of fornication (sexual immorality). So, unless fornication has occurred, don’t even think about getting a divorce. You’re much more likely to work out your problems when you dismiss divorce as an option. Remember what you “vowed” to do—with God as your witness!
Husbands, nourish and cherish your wives; love them as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25-29, 33). Supply ALL her needs, just as Christ supplies all the needs of the church (Philippians 4:19). Don’t let headship go to your head. Jesus said, “My yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28). Follow His example—don’t put more on your wife than she can bear.
Wives, love your husbands (Titus 2:4-5; Proverbs 31:12; 1 Corinthians 13:4-7); respect them (Ephesians 5:33) and obey them (Titus 2:4-5; Ephesians 5:22-24). Remember, love is a verb (an action word). It’s not just a feeling; it’s what you do—even if you’re getting very little in return.
Look out for each other’s needs and interests as well as your own (Philippians 2:3-5). Don’t go into marriage thinking only about what you can get out of it. Think about what you can put into it. Constantly ask the question, “what more can I do for my spouse?”
Do not let the sun go down on your wrath (Ephesians 4:26-27). If you get mad, don’t stay mad. Get it resolved before too much damage is done. Never walk out of an argument unless you agree: “Let’s give it some time and get together and discuss it later.” Then do your best to replace bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking with kindness, tenderheartedness, and forgiveness (Ephesians 4:31-32).
NEVER ever try to “get back” at your spouse (Romans 12:17-21). If your spouse wrongs you in some way, do not wrong them in return. That is not the answer. The above passage is clear: “overcome evil with good.”
Do not lie to one another, or deceive one another in any way (Ephesians 4:25; Colossians 3:9; Proverbs 31:11). If you do, make sure you heed the next point.
Confess your faults to one another (James 5:16, read Matthew 5:23-24, replacing “brother” with “spouse”). If you’re too proud to admit your faults, then you’re too proud—period!
When apologies are made, be sure to forgive (Matthew 18:21-22, 35, again replacing “brother” with “spouse”).
Don’t treat any offenses as unforgivable. We would all be in trouble if the Lord did that.
Praise, compliment, and encourage each other (Proverbs 31:28-31). At least two compliments for every criticism. Husbands, don’t say, “She knows how I feel. I don’t have to say anything.” Go ahead and say it. Tell her how you feel. Tell her what you appreciate about her.
Husbands and wives, remember that your bodies belong to each other. Satisfy each other’s desires, so that neither one is tempted to look elsewhere (1 Corinthians 7:3-5; Proverbs 5:15-20). Keep this in mind, though—adultery is never justified—even if your spouse deprives you.
Do not flirt with another man or woman (1 Corinthians 6:18; Romans 13:14; Proverbs 7:21-27). Learn also to recognize tempting or compromising situations, and stay as far away from them as possible. You may not plan to have an affair, but if you become careless, it may happen sooner than you think. It HAS happened to far too many faithful Christians. Develop the same conviction Joseph had: “How then can I do this great wickedness and sin against God?” (Genesis 39:9).
Learn to be content (Philippians 4:11-12; 1 Timothy 6:6-8; Matthew 6:31-33). It IS something that can be learned. “Count your many blessings; name them one by one…and it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.” You may have more than you realize, especially if you count the things that matter the most. Give some thought to this pearl of wisdom from the book of Ecclesiastes: “Better is the sight of the eyes than the wandering of desire” (6:9).

A Thought about Getting Even
by Dave Brown

This story is not original with me, and you might have to be in your 70s to know where it came from (but I do not).

A man went to his lawyer and told him how much he hated his wife. “I just cannot live with her one more day, he said, “Please get me a divorce!”

“Well,” replied the lawyer said, “if you really hate her and want to get back at her, you are probably playing into her hands to get a divorce so quickly. How about this: go back home and treat her like a queen. Try to satisfy her in every way. Then when you come back here next month, we will serve her with a divorce decree that will make her head spin. She will not know what hit her.”

“OK, yes, that sounds like a reasonable plan for getting even,” the man said, “I will be back in a month.”

One month later he saw his lawyer again, who asked him if he was ready to go through with the divorce.

“No,” the man said. “I will not need it now … you see, I fell in love with her.”

Duties of Parents toward Their Children – A Checklist
Compiled by Bryan Gibson

First, from the Book of Proverbs, parents should…

Love their children (3:11-12; 13:24).
Make sure their children are properly clothed and fed (31:15, 21).
Train their children in the way they should go (22:6), the way of wisdom and righteousness (23:15-16, 24).
Teach their children (1:8-9).
Set a good example for their children (20:7; 31:10-31).
Delight in their children when they do right (23:24; 29:17).
Rebuke, correct, discipline, and chasten their children (3:11-12; 13:24; 19:18; 22:15; 23:13-24; 29:15; 29:15, 17), because this will…
Drive the foolishness out of them (22:15).
Deliver their soul from hell (23:13-14).
Give them wisdom (29:15).
Give the parents rest and peace (29:17)

Also from Proverbs, parents should not…

Withhold correction, or spare the rod (13:24; 23:13-14).
Let children have their own way (29:15).
Raise a scoffer, or a fool, because this kind of child will bring them sorrow (17:21).

Then, from the New Testament parents should:

Bring their children up in the training and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4).
Not provoke or discourage their children (Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21).
Teach their children the Scriptures from childhood (2 Timothy 3:14-15).
Be like Zacharias and Elizabeth, righteous before God, walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless (Luke 1:6).
Display a genuine faith before their children, as both Timothy’s mother and grandmother did (2 Timothy 1:5).
Correct, chasten, and discipline their children, realizing that while it may be painful now, it will yield good fruit in the future (Hebrews 12:5-11).
Love their children (Titus 2:4).
Cherish their children (1 Thessalonians 2:7).
Exhort, comfort, and charge their children (1 Thessalonians 2:11).
Train their children to be in submission with all reverence (1 Timothy 3:4).

Our Children’s Education
by Bryan Gibson

Many of our readers will be sending their children back to school shortly. No doubt you’re concerned that your children get a good education. You should be. We all want our children to be prepared for what lies ahead, and a good education can go a long way in preparing them.

But are you just as concerned about their spiritual education, their education in the word of God? You should be, because what they learn in the word of God is more important than anything they learn in a textbook.

Long ago, God gave the Israelites these instructions concerning their children’s spiritual education:

“Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one! {5} You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. {6} And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. {7} You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. {8} You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. {9} You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates” (Deuteronomy 6:4-9).

Clearly, God wanted the Israelites to spend a lot of time teaching their children the word of God. Do you think God expects anything different from parents today? Of course not. How can we bring our children up “in the training and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4) if we don’t teach them the word of God? Parents, we need to learn the word of God, and we need to teach it to our children. It is the only book that can guide our souls—and their souls—to heaven.

Duties of Children toward Their Parents – A Checklist
Compiled by Bryan Gibson

From the Book of Proverbs, children should…

Do what is pure and right, because they become known by what they do (20:11).
Listen to and keep their parents’ instructions (1:8; 6:20; 13:1; 23:22; 19:27).
Learn to work and assume responsibility (15:20).
Bless their parents (give thanks for them) (31:28; 30:11).
Bring their parents joy by being wise and righteous (10:1; 15:20; 23:24-25; 29:3).

From Proverbs, children should not…

Bring shame and reproach to their parents (19:26; 10:5)
Forsake, scoff at, disobey, or despise their parents’ instructions (1:8; 13:1; 23:22; 30:17).
Be lazy (10:5).
Be foolish (10:1; 17:25; 19:13).
Curse their parents (20:20; 30:11).
Mock their parents (30:17).
Rob their parents (28:24).
Mistreat their parents in any way (19:26).

New Testament teaching, children should …

Obey their parents (Ephesians 6:1; Colossians 3:20; Romans 1:30; 2 Timothy 3:2).
Be in submission to their parents with all reverence (1 Timothy 3:4).
Honor their parents (Ephesians 6:2).
Repay their parents (1 Timothy 5:4).
Not be guilty of dissipation or insubordination (Titus 1:6).

Honor Your Father And Mother (Ephesians 6:2)
by Bryan Gibson

We can only imagine how much better our world would be if this commandment were obeyed more often. Here are some ways children can honor their parents, and in so doing, honor Christ.

Obey them. “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” (Ephesians 6:1). Do what your parents say, and do it willingly, without a word of complaint. They will feel honored by such treatment, and you will be “well-pleasing to the Lord” (Colossians 3:20).
Listen to them. “A wise son heeds his father’s instructions…” (Proverbs 13:1). “Cease listening to instruction, my son, and you will stray from the words of knowledge” (Proverbs 19:27). “Listen to your father who begot you…” (Proverbs 23:22). Children, listen to your parents—when they give you a command, when they correct you, when they teach you God’s word, when they give you advice. They will be happier, and you will be wiser.
Speak respectfully to them. Do not be counted among “those who curse their fathers and do not bless their mothers” (Proverbs 30:11, NIV). Instead, speak with gentleness and kindness (Proverbs 25:15; 31:26), with courtesy and respect (1 Peter 3:8). When you speak to them, remember the position of authority God put them in—over you!
Say “thank you.” Jesus healed ten lepers (Luke 17:11-19), but only one returned to say “thank you.” Children, think about all your parents have done for you. Have you returned to say “thank you”? Don’t wait too long—when they’re gone, you won’t have another chance.
Show some responsibility, some initiative. Don’t let Mom and Dad do all the work, while you barely lift a finger to help. They won’t appreciate your laziness, and neither will God. Volunteer to help around the house. Take on some responsibility. This new “work ethic” will serve you well, both now and in the future, especially when you get ready to leave home. “He who gathers in summer is a wise son, but he who sleeps in harvest is a son who causes shame” (Proverbs 10:5). See also 1 Thessalonians 4:11-12; 2 Thessalonians 3:10-12.
Provide for them when they get older. “But if any widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show piety at home and to repay their parents; for this is good and acceptable before God” (1 Timothy 5:4). Children, the day may come when the tables are turned, when your parents depend on you. You will then have the opportunity to “pay them back.” It may come in the form of financial help, taking them to the doctor, being their “nurse,” or perhaps doing chores they no longer can do. Honor your parents by providing whatever they need.
Walk in the way of truth. “Remember now your Creator in the days of your youth...” (Ecclesiastes 12:1). “The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice, and he who begets a wise child will delight in him. Let your father and mother be glad, and let her who bore you rejoice” (Proverbs 23:24-25). Children, the greatest way you can honor your parents is by walking in the truth.

Children Are a Blessing
by Bryan Gibson

Selfish parents don’t always see their children as a blessing. They can’t wait to get them out of the house, so they can go back to doing what they want to do. Let’s look at a few passages of Scripture to remind ourselves that children are indeed a blessing.

(Psalms 127:3-5) Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one's youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; They shall not be ashamed, But shall speak with their enemies in the gate.

The above passage makes it clear that children are a blessing “from the Lord.” They are a “reward.” Parents who are blessed with children should be “happy.”

(Matthew 18:1-5) At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, "Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" Then Jesus called a little child to Him, set him in the midst of them, and said, "Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven. "Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. "Whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me.

Children can at times be stubborn and rebellious, and of course, we have to deal with that. But they also have some qualities we would do well to imitate, and humility is one of them, as the above passage indicates. Sometimes, we may see more of a likeness to God in our children than we do in ourselves.

(John 16:21) "A woman, when she is in labor, has sorrow because her hour has come; but as soon as she has given birth to the child, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world.

Those of us who have witnessed the birth of our children know the joy with seeing a baby enter this world. But the joy only continues as we watch them grow, as we watch them being molded into what God wants them to be.

Let us give thanks to God for our children.

Attention All Husbands: Please Read Ephesians 5:25
by Bryan Gibson

It says: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.” Husbands have a pattern to follow—Christ’s love for the church. That being the case, here are some different ways this commandment can be expressed.

Husbands, submit to your wives. That seems to conflict with the previous verse (v. 24), but as verse 21 points out, there is a sense in which we must all submit to one another. A husband submits to his wife in the same way Christ submits to the church, by giving Himself for her (Ephesians 5:25), by looking out for her interests as well as his own (Philippians 2:3-8); and by providing for her every need (Philippians 4:19).

Husbands, share all your riches (whether many or few) with your wives. Christ certainly does that for the church, blessing her with “every spiritual blessing” (Ephesians 1:3), and bestowing upon her the “exceeding riches of his grace” (Ephesians 1:7-8; 2:7). Husbands may not be able to offer what Christ does, but what they do have they need to share with their wives. “What’s mine is yours” is the attitude husbands must have toward their wives, because that is the very attitude Christ has toward His bride, the church.

Husbands, love your wives—even when they don’t love you. That’s not easy to do, but that’s exactly what Christ did—“while were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). “In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us...” (1 John 4:10). Husbands, love your wives, even if they don’t return it, even if you don’t think they deserve it. “For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have?” (Matthew 5:46).

Husbands, don’t put more on your wives than they can bear. Christ certainly doesn’t do that to His bride: “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest...you will find rest for your souls...My yoke is easy and My burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30). What a wonderful example for husbands. Don’t put a heavy yoke on your wives. Don’t micromanage them, and don’t make it impossible to please you (food is not good enough; house is not clean enough, etc.). If you’re not careful, they may find it easier to please the Lord than to please you.

Husbands, be kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving. That’s the commandment given in Ephesians 4:32, but notice what follows: “even as God in Christ forgave you...be imitators of God as dear children...walk in love as Christ also has loved us...” (Ephesians 4:32-5:2). Once again, the pattern is established. Husbands, treat your wives the way Christ treats you.

Husbands, love your wives—even through the worst of times. “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?” (Romans 8:35). We know the answer to that, don’t we? If Christ doesn’t abandon His bride when the going gets rough, neither should a husband abandon his wife. She may get sick; she may even become an invalid. She may gain more weight than you would like. Her in-laws may become difficult. Together you may experience some financial problems. Whatever difficulties arise, remember this: God has joined you together; don’t let anything or anyone tear you apart.

Good Works We Can Do In the Home – A Checklist
Compiled by Bryan Gibson

Through wisdom is a house builded; And by understanding it is established;
And by knowledge are the chambers filled;
With all precious and pleasant riches. (Proverbs 24:3-4)

Parents toward Children:

“Bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).
Teach them the Scriptures (2 Timothy 3:14-15).
Discipline them, with the following goal in mind: to have them “in submission with all reverence” (1 Timothy 3:4). Do so firmly and consistently, so that they learn among other things, self-control and respect for authority.
Pray with them and for them. Even before Samson was born, his father prayed, “Lord…teach us what we shall do for the child who will be born” (Judges 13:8).
Give them jobs to do so that they learn to work (Proverbs 10:5), and make sure they do their best (Colossians 3:23).
Show them in many different ways that you love them, that you consider them a blessing to the home (Psalms 127:3-5).

Children toward Parents:

Listen carefully and respectfully to everything they say to you (Proverbs 1:8; 13:1).
Do what they tell you to do (Ephesians 6:1-3).
Thank them for all they do for you (Proverbs 30:11; 31:28).
Help “bear their burdens” (Galatians 6:2) by helping out around the house.
Be prepared to “repay” your parents financially. They’re providing for your needs now; you may have to do the same for them one day (1 Timothy 5:4).
Live a life pleasing to the Lord, knowing that nothing would make them happier (Proverbs 10:1; 15:20; 23:24-25; 29:3).

Husbands and Wives toward Each Other

Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25).
Wives, respect your husbands, submit to them and obey them (Ephesians 5:22, 24, 33; Titus 2:5).
Look out for each other’s needs (Philippians 2:4), which means you’ll have to pay close attention to each other.
“Be kindly affectionate to one another” (Romans 12:10).
“Love one another fervently with a pure heart” (1 Peter 1:22).
Be tenderhearted (Ephesians 4:32), patient (1 Thessalonians 5:14), courteous (1 Peter 3:8), and forgiving (Ephesians 4:32).
Praise each other (Proverbs 31:28).
Make a “covenant” with your eyes, as Job did, that you will not look upon another man or woman (Job 31:1).
Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath; work your problems out before they fester and lead to even greater problems (Ephesians 4:26).
Labor together in the kingdom of the Lord, just like Aquila and Priscilla did (Acts 18:26; Romans 16:3; 1 Corinthians 16:19).
Do these good things for each other as long as you live (Proverbs 31:12).

What are the conditions of salvation given by Jesus?

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